Since I’ve been in Colombia, the Lord has revealed Himself over and over to me as my Defender and Protector. One thing that I’ve come to realize is that leading can sometimes bring out a ton of insecurities that you didn’t even know you had. I consider myself a rather confident person, but something about leading 11 girls has brought of a lot of insecurities. Do I know how to share the gospel? Do I look like Jesus to these locals? Do I know how to know how to deescalate this situation in a way that points back to truth and grace? Am I a good leader? Am I even called to be in this leadership position?
Questions like these have flooded my mind more than I’d like to admit since I left Alabama. When I first became aware of these thoughts, I felt so defeated. I came to a point of surrender one morning at training camp. I laid these feelings before the Lord and I told Him that I was scared. And in that same moment, Papa reminded me that He is my Defender. And I know that can sound so cliché, but hear me out. When you boil my fears down, it looks like fear of inadequacy-that I couldn’t do what I felt called to do. And the Lord simply reminded me, that this was 100% accurate. On my own I cannot successfully lead a squad. But the Lord reminded me that I hadn’t been called to do it on my own, but to partner with Him. He reminded me that though He deeply loves me and chooses me, He doesn’t need me to defend His great name, I need Him to defend mine.
I was taken back to scripture where we see the Israelites roamin’ around in the desert. There was not a moment when the Lord didn’t defend and protect His people. Even when these jokers were pouring their hearts out to other Gods, the Lord still stood by His people. And I needed to be reminded of this.
I love the Lord, but sometimes my flesh forgets about His might and strength. I get so comfortable and familiar with the God that is so near and personal to me, that I forget that He is fighting for me and protecting me everyday.
But since I’ve been in Colombia, He has never seemed bigger and more powerful to me. My squad and I are living and doing ministry with an organization called Ciudad Refugio in Medellin. The mission behind the ministry is restoring men and women that are struggling with addiction. They have a rehab program, as well as many different outreach programs. In a word the ministry is FANTASTIC. But on Wednesday nights, the ministry as a whole goes to the streets, where basically anything is legal, and the feed and pray over the people. This is, for obvious reasons, a very heavy part of ministry. The places that we enter into are filled with darkness, but the good news is that the Lord has filled us with His light. Before we got in the car this Wednesday to go to these places, we spent two hours just in prayer and worship. In that time we asked the Lord to prepare our hearts and minds for the things we’d see, and that we wouldn’t look at these people with shame, but with the same love that the Father so kindly showed to us.
When we arrived, I fully expected to be afraid, but the weird thing is that I wasn’t. I was standing in an actual valley of death, but I didn’t fear the evil around me. In fact, I felt empowered, and surrounded by the Holy Spirit. I don’t know how to describe it to you, but it was as if the Lord put a wet blanket around me of His power to protect me from the flames of darkness. And I thought I would be filled with ugliness and judgement to these people, but I wasn’t. I saw them as children that the Lord loves deeply, and I was moved by authentic and genuine compassion.
I say all this to say that the Lord is big, and strong and full of power and He fights for His children. And somehow I’d forgotten this, but I can’t tell you how thankful I am that He decided to remind me.
Leading up to the trip, I expected to be here defending the name of the Lord and constantly fighting for His fame. And don’t get me wrong, I am doing this, which is the greatest calling and opportunity, but I am overwhelmed by the amount of times that the Lord has defended ME. He’s so good to me, to US. There are so many times in just the last two weeks that I could have, and probably should have fallen right on my face, but He has been so faithful to me in ways I can’t even describe.
How do I defend a God of such power? I stand in awe of His presence, there hasn’t been a day that I haven’t seen His hand at work here.
“How do you defend a lion? Just turn it loose, it will defend itself.” Charles Spurgeon once said that, and it has shifted my perspective on what my role here is.
May I never underestimate the power of the Spirit of God. May I never forget the power of speaking holy truth over my neighbor. May I never sit on the sidelines and listen to fear, but may I always remember the one who protects me and defends me.
Here’s a few passages of scripture that have been monumental in my walk with the Lord in this season:
Psalm 121
A song of ascents.
1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord watches over you—
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
Psalm 23
The Good Shepherd
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd;
I have what I need.
2 He lets me lie down in green pastures;
he leads me beside quiet waters.
3 He renews my life;
he leads me along the right pathsa]”>[a]
for his name’s sake.
4 Even when I go through the darkest valley,b]”>[b]
I fear no danger,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff—they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
6 Only goodness and faithful love will pursue me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell inc]”>[c] the house of the Lord
as long as I live.d]”>[d]
John 8:1-11
2 At dawn he went to the temple again, and all the people were coming to him. He sat down and began to teach them.
3 Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman caught in adultery, making her stand in the center. 4 “Teacher,” they said to him, “this woman was caught in the act of committing adultery. 5 In the law Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say?” 6 They asked this to trap him, in order that they might have evidence to accuse him.
Jesus stooped down and started writing on the ground with his finger. 7 When they persisted in questioning him, he stood up and said to them, “The one without sin among you should be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Then he stooped down again and continued writing on the ground. 9 When they heard this, they left one by one, starting with the older men. Only he was left, with the woman in the center. 10 When Jesus stood up, he said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”
11 “No one, Lord,”a]”>[a] she answered.
“Neither do I condemn you,” said Jesus. “Go, and from now on do not sin anymore.”]
2 Timothy 4:17
17 But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that I might fully preach the word and all the Gentiles might hear it. So I was rescued from the lion’s mouth.
Very glad to hear that you “are getting it”!
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Jessa! Once again you have turned a well-adopted lie into truth…He doesn’t need me to defend His great name, I need Him to defend mine…! Yes! Oh how I love you and continue to be moved and encouraged by you! Love your guts, Mom
Jessa girl,
I have so loved reading your words and man, they were lovely and vulnerable! Following the journey of your life is so refreshing, and knowing there are other in this fight… what a gift!
I love you dearly my sweet sweet friend,
B
Jessa, this is so encouraging to read. I’m ” just a construction worker” is what the enemy throws at me even still. Every new squad Marie and I coach brings me to s place where I say ” it’s all you Jesus, I have sooo little too bring. And what I do have is a gift from you.”
You bring joy to my heart. Seeing you take what take what was invested in you and invest that in others is AWESOME.
Your still in our hearts.
Love you