alright, so here’s the deal. I wrote this blog a while ago…like mid-September. But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to post it. It didn’t seem like the write time. It’s a great story, and it’s very special to me, but the day it was written wasn’t the day that the Lord wanted me to share it. Today, November 2nd, is the day the Lord wants me to publish it. On Luke’s 19th Birthday, He wanted me to share this with you. It goes without saying, this blog is dedicated to him. Though it may be a while before you read it, my brother, I am so proud of you and all you are becoming. Keep being strong, keep being brave, and keep trusting in the Lord. Happy birthday, buddy…I love you forever.
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so if we are just being honest, I haven’t felt very homesick. Even though I am thousands of miles away from my home and family, there hasn’t been a moment when I felt like I had made a mistake by coming on the World Race. While I’ve been uncomfortable, and I‘ve wanted to call my mom countless times in this last month, the Lord is good and has made me a home here in Africa.
This blog isn’t to just let my mom know that I’m still alive and that I’m okay, but to tell you about the family I found.
On Thursday, September 19th, my younger brother Luke graduated from AIT in the army as an infantryman. And if that wasn‘t honorable enough, he graduated at the very top of his class-as the distinguished honor graduate. If that’s not proof that the Lord blesses your obedience, I’m not sure what is. For months I knew that I wasn’t going to be able to be at the ceremony in Georgia, however when the day came the peace that I thought I made over my absence was robbed from me. I woke up that day and put on my blue outfit, He color symbolizing the infantry branch, like I promised him I would. But instead of feeling supportive, I felt so guilty that I was away from Luke on this special day. I know how hard he had worked over these last few months. He has sacrificed his comfort, his sleep, and at times his nutrients in order to get to where he has been called to go. And where was I? In a country that he wasn’t not training to defend, with a group of people that I was not nearly as close to as him. Internally, I also knew that the rest of my family was together and that day all I wanted to do was to cheer with my mom and joke around with my brothers. In a way I was still within, but in the moment I felt as an outside in my family. Was I the prodigal son? These thoughts weighed me down all morning.
On this particular day, my team and I had to walk to a ministry site that was new to us. Our bus broke down and we were unable to get to the site we usually go to to, so we were invited to join a different team at their Care Point that day. The walk was a long one- three miles in the African Sun- and I was not about it. I was already in a crummy mood for reasons I’ve already mentioned, and honestly I wasn’t excited to go love on random kids that weren’t Luke.
About 20 minutes into our walk, one of the girls we were traveling with asked, “what has the Lord been saying to you since we’ve been here?” The other girls around me answered and grumpy Jessa has no idea what to say as the time was approaching for her to share. But then the voice of the Lord rang in my ears and said “you are at part of a family, this is your family now.” And I just started crying. I’m walking and now crying and trying to explain how I’ve been feeling all morning to these girls, and they hear me. In the most beautiful way, they hear me and they sympathize.
“He knows you are proud of him!”
“I’m sure he’s just as proud of you!”
“He knows that the Lord has called you here, he wont be upset that you aren’t there.“
Like a choir of angels, these ladies all wearing blue to support my brother, who they’ve never met, spoke truth into my conflicted heart. My team, my sisters, my church, my family.
Being vulnerable isn’t easy. But sometimes you’ve got to allow yourself to just cry and share to receive the blessing that the Lord has in store. If I had pushed them away and ignored the spur of my heart to just be real with them, I might still be in a sour mood and not nearly as in love with my team.
So I dried the tears from my eyes, and I allowed the words they spoke over me to penetrate my mind and heart and we kept walking. When one falls, we pick them up and we keep going. And about that time, in the most God way, we passed a cotton field. Like one straight out of Alabama, like a little piece of home.
The Lord is building me a family, and at the same time He’s bringing me home. Immanuel-He is with us. Wherever we go, He is there. And He is working all things out for the good of those that love Him and trust Him-that’s His promise. All I’ve got to do is walk in obedience ant watch it happen.
Aww! Sweet! I love your love for your brother and your family. Vulnerability seems to be a big topic of learning for most of you on the race. Keep pressing in to those God has physically placed around you. When you are vulnerable, it seems to open the door for more vulnerability around you. This is the very thing God created us for in community. Be real with each other, encourage one another, and don’t ever be afraid to reveal the real you who is beautifully and wonderfully made!
SMILE! That’s all I could do while reading this!! Big J, you are so SPECIAL! ??
This is beautiful Jessa! You share your heart well. God is so good as we press into him! 🙂
Cry! All I could do was cry while reading this. Baby girl, you may be far away but you are not far from our hearts and love. Your presence at Graduation and every day is greatly missed, but His Spirit binds us together. I love you so much! Thank you for sharing this on Luke’s birthday!
Jessa I’m so thankful for you !! You are such a inspiration thanks for being obedient to our lord May his love always shine through you God bless you my dear niece
Wow! God is working in you & through you beautiful Jessa! Thank you for sharing your heart, being vulnerable, & following God’s call. Your blog is beautiful and so are you. You weren’t physically at Luke’s graduation, but your sunshine presence was there! The sunset that afternoon shone with big, bright God rays that were yellow & blue right next to each other. I know y’all miss each other, but I also know how deeply you love each other. He’s super proud of you…just as you’re super proud of him. We love you lots and are praying for you! ??
Silly me. I added a heart after the ending exclamation mark and it showed up as question marks. Sorry.
Jessa- All I could do was cry during this blog! You and Bailey certainly have one thing in common….your love for your brothers! Wow! I also LOVE hearing how God is giving you a family with your team. That was one of the most powerful parts of William’s race. While reading this, I couldn’t help but think about ‘my people’ God has given me and man, I’d hate to try life without them! I am so excited for the next part of your journey! Keep seeking Him! Keep seeing Him in all you do! Go change the world and I will be here cheering you on!
Love you always- Kim
This brought tears to my eyes. I love how your team came alongside you that day…this wasn’t a memory shared in your team time but it maybe should have been. I can just picture you lovely ladies walking the road of red dirt all dressed in blue. I’m sure your brother knows how much you love him…and all your sisters on your team do too. Love you!
Sweet, sweet story.